Tuesday, December 2, 2008
I am not saying much these days
I am listening instead;
to the silence, to my breath
within the silence.
As I fall here
as in a dream, as in a warm embrace
I am more aware of all sound,
of all warm breezes,
of the tips of gentle wings on my cheek.
Isn’t it amazing?
God in the silence, God in the reckless din of chaos
I can sigh or scream
and God does not abandon me,
not out of boredom or weariness.
Even as I see it coming;
this change - this once more,
even as the temptation to resist
swells within me
the silence enfolds me and I surrender.
Held here, hear…
close to the chest, to the loving heart
the beating of which eases my soul
remembering a time of simple tranquility
when I was home.
There is no story to tell,
it is written on my body, on your body,
every tear and every joy
from our skin to Gods' hand.
Wednesday, November 5, 2008
I am creating MY life each time I breathe,
each TIME I awaken,
EACH time I step forward.
No earthly second passes
that does not mark my pulse and
I AM ALIVE!
I AM ALIVE!
Life moves through me and around me.
I join with the swirling cycle of ENERGY,
I am lifted high on its currents
to a CEDAR bough within the clouds.
I survey a crystal DAWN; the new day
wakening and filling with the light of
Golden rays reach out to me like
GENTLE hands of love,
my face warms and my heart HEALS.
I AM NEW TODAY!
I stand and walk to the edge of the clouds
and with one
intake of BREATH,
I dive into the day beneath me.
Friday, October 17, 2008
I awake to a dark and rainy morning.
Outside the air smells fresh and alive.
The soil in my flower bed sparkles like
stars in the night sky.
I long to walk into the forest,
amongst the trees and bush,
boldly feeling my way to a small and quiet space.
The rain soaking my night dress and moistening my skin
that I am aware of each tiny hair on my body
standing up in response.
I could truly know peace in such a place,
on such a morning.
Here, before the world around me begins to rise and stretch,
I am alone with the true Mother.
Here, I can dance to Her heartbeat,
my hips gently swaying under my now
wet and heavy nightgown.
Who does not long to follow
the whispering Earth?
Each of us daring,
as much as we are able,
to be led by the deepest stirrings of our
into the darkness.
(Photo by Philip)
Tuesday, September 9, 2008
I needed the ocean today - and the sun and the wind. I needed the solitude found on a pier that no one else inhabits. I needed the clarity that comes from listening to the waves gently lapping onto the shore. Today I need to see with different eyes, to feel with a different heart, to listen with different ears. It has been a time of worry, a time of fear believing that my dear dog may die. It has been a time of gratitude tempered with longing and unwillingness to let go. It has been difficult to witness myself get angry, seeing my Pebbles so tortured; angry at Spirit, at everyone, at me. If I could have I would have gathered her in my arms and spirited us away somewhere far...just to soak up her essence uninterrupted. Now that she is mending I allow myself to grieve, to reach the vulnerable places of loneliness and sorrow. If only I could be the woman Pebbles believes me to be...brave and solid, unwavering and committed. There is a wobble in my gait all too often and I cannot rest with it.
Loving them, these beautiful small beings that love us unconditionally, means eventually letting them go. It means opening our hearts to their loving cuddles and risking the pain that will envelope us when they no longer meet us at the door. It means letting them all the way in and returning this gift of connection so that they know there will always be a warm hand, a bowl-full of food and a chin rub when they need.
This dog softened my heart…she opened me to a way of being that meant changing my entire world. And I have been granted more time with her – we dodged this bullet and I am grateful. Yet I have glimpsed the places in me that are not willing to accept, to be grateful for what time I have had with this dear one. I know that I will hold on for as long as I can and then release a scream of rage from the depths of my belly when holding on is no longer possible. And the ocean makes all of this incongruence…okay. Like the strong and tumultuous current beneath the calm surface of the water, my emotions do not negate my beliefs; they make everything more real, more rich and life more interesting to dive into. I exhale as I come to realize that loving Pebbles as much as I do is why I am here – on this planet – to come to understand the imperfection that comes with perfect love.
Tuesday, September 2, 2008
Sitting on the black rocks of Neck Point...there is an Otter playing or fishing in the water just beyond me. As far as my eye can see it is blue, blue, blue; blue ocean, blue sky, blue mountain behind the blue fog off in the distance. The rocks I sit on are littered with bright purple starfish that stand out as much as the bright stars against a midnight sky. Two kayakers move silently across the water in front of me and I watch them as they gracefully row beyond the horizon.
There is no resistance here, except for maybe the waves as they meet the rocks. Yet even so, the rocks are slowly being eroded by the water - Resistance is futile.
It is silent here; no human noise and really that is the only noise I recognize. All else is silence with the mutterings of nature in the background.
I can be so hard on myself and the ease of this place seems to bring my harshness to light. I judge myself for not working hard enough, not eating healthy enough, not being a good enough person. Out here, on Neck Point, this seems silly - that I occupy my time with judgement, that I occupy my mind with judgement. I know these are not my own for left to our own devices we humans would thrive on love and peace - me included. These judgements come from a society - a collective consciousness - that teaches us to judge rather than accept, to be rational rather than imaginative, to cage rather than free. Why? Because we believe we will find security within productivity and the amassing of wealth. I find security in my harsh judgement of myself because with it I am bound to the limits of society's productivity machine and therefore not risking a life beyond the whirligigs of it's mechanisms.
What if...I wonder...What if...as I sit on these black rocks thinking.
Wednesday, August 27, 2008
I sit on a cliff top overlooking the ocean, an arbutus tree behind me. From a small satchel I pull out some sage, bound together in a small bundle, and I place this on the ground before me. I light this with a wooden match and as the smoke from the sage rises, I become heady with the scent of nature. As I use the sage to smudge myself; allowing the smoke to carry any negative energy away, I say my prayers and open my heart.
It is in the instant that I know that my life is both vast and insignificant at the same time.
Creator holds me in the palm of a great and loving hand as I close my eyes and let the mist from the ocean wash my mind and body clean. I become one with the Earth and She shares with me her rich and powerful energy. I begin to drum in rhythm to the beating heart of Earth. My Spirit flies free and I know the possibilities of pure love. I know I will be provided with all I require and I am blessed by this knowing. Gone from my heart are stress and worry, replaced by faith and peace. It is my faith that carries me ever farther along my spiritual journey to a place of bliss; to a place of compassion.
I open my eyes and see the sun peeking out from behind the clouds. I hear the call of the seagulls and smell the fresh ocean air. I am not separate from these creations of nature, as my senses remind me. I AM nature; with Creator protecting me from above and Earth supporting me from below.
As I arise to return home my eyes fall upon the debris left behind by my people and I am compelled to pick up what does not belong; a small offering to this Earth and to the Creator who holds me. I am listening to the voice of Spirit as my Ancestors once did and I know I belong here. All else falls away in these moments and I simply am. I am simply Spirit.
When I know compassion I know the face of God...it is reflected in those I look upon, reflected in my touch and in my heart.
Upon the cliff I access this place, this compassion, each time longer then the time before. It matters that I try, that we all try.
Monday, August 25, 2008
Living a life of gratitude has many rewards. No doubt you know that this is a wonderful way of being: feeling and expressing gratitude for all that is. Yet, most of us fail to practice this each and every day. We get caught up in our lives, in negative thoughts and spirals and soon we have lists of what is wrong with our life; wrong job, wrong relationship, wrong home. We long for something else. Something other than what we have manifested through the power of our own thoughts and feelings. It is a behaviour that is reinforced by the society we live in. We focus on the “wrongness” of the world; what we don’t have enough of, what we are afraid of, always anticipating the next disaster.
Yet, when we stop, when we spend time contemplating what we have, what we have drawn to us and what we wish to draw to us, we are filled with a sense of hope and empowerment. The truth is that we are exactly where we are meant to be and have exactly what we are meant to have, because we manifest what we believe we deserve. Manifesting something different means believing we deserve something different. Changing those beliefs begins with loving what is, right now. Should you choose to step into a grateful way of being you will notice that fear will disappear. When we let go of fear we make room in our lives for abundance. We make room for possibility.
Think of a time in your life when you believed that you were stuck, trapped. Your energy drains, there is no expansiveness. Even the smallest dream seems impossible to attain. Now take a moment to consider what you are grateful for; anything, no matter how small. Allow yourself to feel your gratitude with your whole heart. Feel the expansiveness that arises in you, the feeling of possibility, of hope!
I encourage you to love what IS in your life right now. Love your home for providing you warmth and shelter in the cold winter months, love your body for its ability to endure, love your partner for all they have to teach you, love your job for providing you with means to survive. Find what you are grateful for, no matter how small it may seem, and feel that gratitude with all that you are. Try starting each morning and ending each night with a statement of gratitude. Imagine what you will free within you once you love what is right before you.
Wednesday, August 20, 2008
Tuesday, August 19, 2008
I have often written of compassion and mercy in the quiet hours before dawn as I journal my thoughts. I reflect on these qualities knowing that they are crucial for healing my life, the lives of others and the life of our planet. Yet as I sit to write about these now, I am lost for words because I am not ‘fully there’. I am
on the journey to embody these qualities in my Spirit and to consistently come from the place within that would extend these to others in all situations. Yet I find
that when I look upon another with eyes of compassion and hands ready to help, that I am made more whole, more human and that I receive much more than I give.
My hands are meant to heal, but what
have my hands done?
So many hours idle, so many years at
work for others.
There are multitudes in such need
and my hands could help, as tools for
the work of Spirit.
My Spirit, collective Spirit.
What dreams have I not dreamed?
What yearning has my heart locked
If my hands were mine again, maybe I
could build a Shelter, maybe a
sanctuary, where mercy could be
found, and forgiveness in abundance.
My hands would caress the aged face
of a man full of regrets and shame.
I would smooth his creased brow
and whisper words of love in his ear
and some small piece of his heart
My hands used to be good strong
Now they shake and open and close
and are restless to hold tenderly
the searching hands of another.